Whipping Boy of the Nonce

or, There but for the Grace of God...

Be forewarned: there's a lot of bile in this post again. I'm aware of how totally unconvincing it sounds, and thus it's unlikely to be entertaining even if you do have a taste for bile. There are good things to say about Boss; but without the aggravating things, the good things have no context. I've positive remarks planned for the next post.

So.

Boss would have done very well in an era of valets and handmaidens; for ingrained in Boss' psycological infrastructure is a biological imperative to issue orders and delegate tasks at the drop of a whim.

Upon being hired, it became my role to be the footservant for Boss. The previous whipping boy had managed to escape that status by ducking into a vacant job position; and I was eventually emancipated by the hiring of a personal assistant. It is the Whipping Boy of the Nonce whom Boss calls upon in time of need.

So then.

It so happened that Whipping Boy of the Nonce was out for lunch one day last week when Boss wanted to delegate something; Nonce is now forbidden from leaving the building during work hours. The relevant conversation, synopsised, went something to the effect of:

"You can't leave for lunch whenever you please; in fact, you are not allowed leave the building at all. I needed you and you weren't there." This was rephrased and repeated several times; all statements were in the tone of remarks on a purely emotional level, as if there were deeper control issues about being personally abandoned.

"I am here now. What is it that was so important? I am here now. What can I do for you? I am here right now. Please tell me, and I'll do it, right now."

Huffy, exasperated, and dismissive: "Get me a coffee."

And so then.

Whipping Boy of the Nonce came home last weekend to find the the voice of Boss on the answering machine: "Call me at home, it is urgent "

It transpired that a VP needed a ticket for a sudden business trip overseas. And somebody had to book that plane ticket. Nonce explained that for overseas one needs a real paper ticket, so it can't be done over the internet, and why don't you call our travel agent for this in the first place, you have his number, why did you even bother to call me on the weekend? Nonce was given the VP's number, and told to relay that information. The VP called back to ask,

"Who will pay for the ticket? I don't want to put it on my card. Do you have a credit card number?"

"What on earth makes you think I know my boss' credit card number?"

"You book these trips all the time on the boss' credit card."

"Why in the name of everything good and holy would I take my boss' credit card information home with me for the weekend?"

And when Boss was called for the credit card information, Nonce was reprimanded and told, "you should carry my credit card number with you at all times."

This is particularly ridiculous considering that Boss has already had a credit card ripped off at least once that I know of; and if Nonce had preserved the information for future reference, then there could just as easily have been a dismissal on suspicion of credit card fraud on Friday instead of a reprimand on Saturday.

Nonce Whipping Boy has vowed to no longer answer the phone on weekends...

... and I had to point out, not answering the phone will solve nothing; you will walk in on Monday to hear: where were you? why didn't you answer the phone? why didn't you return my call? I needed you, why weren't you there? You are not to leave your house. You will be given a cell phone so I can reach you at all times.

And so then again...

This morning's phone conversation 'twixt Boss and Nonce ran something to this effect:

"I need these papers, where are they?"

"I don't touch your papers; if they're anywhere, they're with all the other papers on your desk."

"Well you will have to go dig for them. Don't look at anything."

"I have to look at all your papers to find your papers."

"Well only look at that one."

So, Please.

Like I said at the beginning, I don't want this to turn into a bile-fest; I do have positive thoughts to share about Boss for the next post.

So, please, do stay tuned.

Posted by edgar at January 28, 2003 01:57 PM