In lieu of any actual physical birthday prezzie, Boyfriend has given me a promise: he promises to build me a cat tree.
I kind of feel like that's my fault, in a way. I had kinda been begging him to give me his permission {as co-occupier of our domestic sphere} for me to build a humongous cat tree in our living room...
Now, it's not that I wouldn't be thrilled to get a cat tree gratis... and I'm sure he'd do a really great job, and surely better than I could have done alone... but... but...
We've got so many other things we're supposed to do already, and they're slow in getting done...
And he's got a brilliantly clever idea for the format of it {a spiral staircase/helix thingy} because he IS a very clever guy, but... it's so complex... the fact is, it'll take forever to do... if we ever get around to it...
So I'm just afraid that this cat tree will never happen. And it's really important to me that it happens.
I was just waiting on his agreement; but now, instead of feeling like I've been given something, I feel like I just had it taken away from me.
Because now I'm not supposed to do it myself. Because now it's a present.
And if I say, look, I can't wait for when you're ready to do it your way, I want to do this my way now, then he'll be insulted & angry & miffed & huffy. Because I'm being ungrateful.
*sigh*
...I ask ye, O ye tiny birthday gods: is it fair to give permission for a project, and then take over the project, thus delaying it indefinitely, as a birthday present?
I know I ought to feel grateful, and I really am trying to see things his way; and it's only a birthday present, which doesn't really count for much a the larger scheme of things, and so it really shouldn't matter; but...
... but honestly, I feel quite miserable about it. I feel like I've just been stiffed. And twice at once, at that ~ no prezzie, but more importantly, now no cat tree.
Maybe I'm wrong. Hopefully I'm wrong. Maybe it will get built sooner rather than later... but that remains to be seen.
...'til then,
Conflicted,
Edgar