Interpreting Paint Blots

If you worked in the PR department of a paint company... would you not jump all over this? I think it's hysterical...

Brought to you by Particular Paints... Drying since 1839.

To break it up a bit, they could intersperse the "watching paint dry" segments with, say, a segment on paint drying history ~~ maybe do a spot on the comparative drying times of Renaissance paint vs. Industrial Revolution paint vs modern paint.

Or they could cut to an "archeological dig" ~~ a very old house with walls that have accumulated centuries of paint, where paintologists are painstakingly going through the layers, little flags marking the different eras, talking about the exciting discoveries they've made...

And the show could feature guest spots in which various professionals talk about paint drying within the context of their specialty; for example, a comedian could talk about the evolution of Wet Paint humour; or a chemist might give a lecture on the basic constituents of the paint colours in well-known masterworks, how additives {i.e., linseed oil, turpentine, etc.} affect their drying times, and thus speculate on how long it must have taken for a given painting to dry...

Because y'know... the only thing possibly more boring than actually watching paint dry would have to be listening to academics nattering on & on & on & on about the history & theory of paint drying...

Of course, that would be the British version of the program; the American version would be all about body-painting the latest sex~kitten/puppy & offering spectators the chance to watch it dry on them for a nominal fee...

...oh honey, I'd watch paint dry on you any day... come to think of it, I'd rather...

Our version would be produced by Moses Znaimer; it would be sponsored by our favourite ginger ale, and it would be called... Watch Canada Dry!

It would frenetically cut back and forth between locations all across the country, from coast to coast to coast, comparing how paint dries under distinct climatic & cultural conditions... noting that it's different from how American paint dries... and there would be a Heritage Moment spotlighting an important role that paint~drying played in the formation of our country...

Yep. It's not about watching paint dry; it's all about how you watch the paint dry that makes it interesting...

Posted by edgar at July 8, 2004 04:07 PM