Rules of Engagement
A few posts ago, I'd exchanged some jokey comments with a friend about wedding arrangements {a three~tier "Death by Chocolate" wedding cake does exist, by the way} and it reminded me of an article I'd read in The Scotsman {of Scotsman.com}
Now. According to this article, some of Scotland's grand estates have fallen on hard times and are looking for ways to generate a little extra cash.
Some estates are staying financially afloat by renting themselves out as wedding venues. This is thanks in part to VisitScotland, the country's tourism agency, which has been successfully promoting Scotland as the romantic place to tye the tartan knot {and in keeping with the tartan theme, "the official launch of the campaign on the eve of Valentine's Day featured Miss Scotland Nicola Jolly in a shower of specially-created tartan confetti."}
Then there's one estate which is home to a venture called Tartan Tanks, "Scotland’s premier all terrain adventure activity centre". It not only offers people the opportunity to drive tanks & other military vehicles but it also helps organise corporate team-building military games with paintball guns.
And upon reading aforesaid article, I couldn't help but think:
Someday, some particularly enterprising estate owner is going to combine these two things. And it will totally, maybe forever, change the meaning of the phrase, "Are you with the Bride or the Groom?"
Battle Of The In~Laws
Jakob and Sophie Perlmutter
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Rosetta Margaretta
to
Murdoch Kester
son of Lachlan and Elspeth Islay
on Saturday, the twenty~first of May, two thousand and five at one o'clock in the afternoon
Doune Castle
Stirling, Scotland
Reception and Paint Ball Skirmish immediately following
* * *
Bride's side or groom's side?
Bride's side.
Here's your Pink paintball gun. Please be seated on your left.
Thanks.
The reception will be in the Valahalla Lounge on the second floor; you can show up once you're "dead", or when a winner is declared. That'll be when the Blues capture the bridal garter. Or the when the Pinks clinch the sporran. Whichever gets nabbed first.
And what if I don't want to participate in paintball?
I'm sorry, only guests who have perished in paintball will be admitted. Be a good sport, please; no shooting yourself in the head just to get a good seat.
*pause*
...though ~ confidentially ~ you could probably end the whole thing quite quickly if you just concentrated on taking out the Best Man. Tends to demoralize the ushers, in my experience.
Thanks.
Helps to take the ringbearer hostage too.
Thanks. I'll just sit over here.
Good luck.
Yeah, thanks.
You see, now that's the kind of advice I want from a wedding planner.
Haven't read this yet myself, but it sounds like an invaluable asset for brushing up on one's tactical wedding planning skills:
Little Wars
"A game for boys from twelve years of age to one hundred and fifty and for that more intelligent sort of girl who likes boys' games and books."
... by H.G. Wells (yes, that H.G. Wells). Let me treat you with the opening paragraph:
" "LITTLE WARS" is the game of kings--for players in an inferior social position. It can be played by boys of every age from twelve to one hundred and fifty--and even later if the limbs remain sufficiently supple--by girls of the better sort, and by a few rare and gifted women. This is to be a full History of Little Wars from its recorded and authenticated beginning until the present time, an account of how to make little warfare, and hints of the most priceless sort for the recumbent strategist. . . ."
I so get a huge kick out of the term "the recumbent strategist" ~~ it would make a kickass title for a blog about war games. Were I to do such a blog, which of course I couldn't (I'm not a girl of the better sort) it would include this excerpt from the Word Of The Day site:
kriegspiel (KREEG-speel) noun
1. A game in which miniature characters and blocks represent armies, ships, etc. as they move around on a drawing of a battlefield, used to simulate war and teach military tactics.
2. A form of chess where players see only their own pieces and an umpire keeps track of all the pieces on a third board.
[From German Kriegsspiel, from Krieg (war) + Spiel (game).]
"`(Prof Richard) Holmes and his chums spent six months recreating the battle of Waterloo on an enormous sand table,' I am told. `Thousands of soldiers, cannons, and horses were painstakingly painted and placed ready for battle.' Alas, one day school rebels broke into the Kriegspiel room and bounced footballs on his battleground. When he discovered the carnage Holmes collapsed, sobbing: "I want the culprits found, court martialed and shot!"
The Scurra, The Mirror (London), Mar 4, 2002.
"`So my father, my two brothers and I used to go for long walks and one brother would be way out in front, my father would be in the middle and the other brother would be way at the back and they'd be playing the game Kriegspiel in their head and my father would keep both positions in his mind. And my role was to carry the moves backwards and forwards, so I was the runner.'"
John Schwartz, At the Heart of the Mind, Roger Penrose Thinks Computers
Have a Lot to Learn, The Washington Post, Dec 1, 1994.
Oh, and hey, here's the sequel: "Floor games: a companion volume to Little Wars".
I'll save that one for the honeymoon, perhaps...
